Letter to the Editors of Miniature Donkey Talk Magazine, Winter 2024 Issue
Renaissance Humans, #7
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” —Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough For Love
Welcome to the Renaissance Humans Newsletter, where I focus on sense-making and story-telling in the turbulent twenties. The Renaissance (“rebirth,” in French) spanned from the 14th to the 17th century and marked a period of cultural, artistic, and intellectual renewal in Europe. A Renaissance Human fosters curiosity, creativity, critical thinking, and character in a journey of never-ending learning. They cultivate Mind, Body, and Spirit, in service of Community, and oriented to the Transcendentals.
This is my second round entry for the NYC Midnight Microfiction (<250 Words) contest (Round 1 is located here). Nothing focuses one’s energy like a 48 hour deadline— constraints cultivate creativity. I drew Comedy for the genre, Oversharing for the Action, and Frame for the word (Must appear somewhere in the story).
I’ve never written comedy before (Intentionally, haha), but I have extreme respect for just how challenging it is to make people laugh with words, whether written or spoken. It’s good cross-training, like a runner doing a strength workout.
After spitballing a few ideas, I came up with this letter to the editor bit. As a person into my own set of nerdy/niche hobbies, I mean no disrespect to the Donkey/Ass/Burro community. I should note, both of the magazines I mention in this story are REAL. Thanks to all the folks who read early drafts and gave feedback.
Sadly, only the top 5 advanced from my group (This placed 9th out of 42 in the round, honorable mention status), so I didn’t make the cut for the final round of the competition. You can be the judge if I hit the mark on the comedy front.
Dear Editor,
I am writing to lodge my strongest possible protest regarding your article from the Autumn Quarter (Fabulous Foals of Fall), entitled “Is your Donkey a Dwarf?” The recommendation you printed concerning animal measurements is, if you’ll indulge an old drover, exactly “Ass backwards.” According to a 2021 issue of BRAYER magazine (Which is the true authority on all things Equus Asinus, at least in terms of the Jenny side of things), the proper measurement of girth is elbow to withers, not elbow to fetlock, as reported by your correspondent, Martha Winkledorn.
Time and again, she is a source of misinformation on Donkeynalia. Last summer, I spent six hours coaxing my new burro, “Muley Cyrus” out of my cabin. She’d escaped the pen I built based on Martha’s flawed Ass fencing design. Needless to say, Muley left her mark on my dwelling, to include laying ample fertilizer and damaging the cabin’s frame with frustrated kicking.
Moreover, Martha has ignored my attempts to contact her directly, to “clear the air” regarding the incident which occurred last year at the National Miniature Donkey Show (NMDS). Back then, I was simply trying to talk shop with her, and meant no offense when I mentioned that she was stubborn as a mule. It was a compliment!
I didn’t want to do this here, but you’ve tied my lead rope, Martha. Will you be my partner for the two-person, obstacle driving event at next year’s NMDS gathering in Bozeman?
Your Faithful Reader,
David “Eyore” Cline.
The backstory of where this idea came from is probably worth a post all its own.
This was a fun read. Nothing quite like flawed Ass designs.