I’ve been following the journey of my friend Kevin Stark for a few years. We share a mutual interest in the work of Joseph Campbell, and his emphasis on the role of myth in human lives. Kevin is a fellow Frogman— I attended Naval Postgraduate School with him in 2015.
As a trainer at Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL (BUD/S) school, he earned a reputation for being both a fearsome/legendary first phase instructor and an outstanding mentor in equal measure. I would never hear anything like that from Kevin, but did from at least three Frogmen whom he trained. After he retired from the military, Kevin created The Arete Path, where he coaches individuals, facilitates groups in a retreat setting, and serves as a keynote speaker. His new mission is helping humans reach for their best selves. In Greek philosophy, arete refers to excellence, particularly moral virtue and the full realization of one's potential.
He held a retreat last month, and I was fortunate enough to get a scholarship from the SEAL Future Foundation. Once everyone arrived on the first day, we received a point on the map and given twenty minutes to get there. We hiked for a bit, until we found an amazing overlook.
Middle age is a good time to take stock of your life. I suppose every age can be a good time to do that, but middle age in particular is an ideal moment to evaluate what you’ve done so far with your precious time on this planet. To see what else you feel called to do.
It’s past halftime.
You’re in the third quarter—maybe the fourth, depending on health issues.
The bustle of everyday life doesn’t offer much time for contemplation, unless you carve it out from the commitments of work, partnership, parenting, and other obligations.
This particular retreat ended up being all men, but Kevin facilitates for all different types of groups. I mentioned he has a terrifying instructor persona, but my sense is he put that one away. What people see now is the older, wiser Kevin—curious and committed to gently guiding others toward their callings. He is well-suited to group facilitation.
I don’t want to give away everything we did, but I’ll provide a little preview.
Challenging but not over the top physical activity—a bit of martial arts, hiking, cold plunges, and calisthenics. Getting in touch with our bodies. Breathing.
A little bit of reading and some great group conversations, sharing answers to important questions. Just a group of dudes being vulnerable and honest with one another, which was not a regular occurrence for most of us. It should be, but it’s not.
Amazing food—the cook made meals that were both delicious and nutritious. Tasty snacks for the hikes and in between meals.
A good deal of time for individual introspection. We asked questions like:
How do I want to be remembered?
What are my values?
Am I living in alignment with them?
What is uniquely mine to do?
We let go of things that weren’t serving us, and made space for things that would.
The highlight of the retreat for me was a six-hour solo hike, where we took the time to craft our own individual ethos—statement of principles to guide us moving forward. I holed up in a building under construction with an epic view of a sea of trees, crafting mine with the assistance of music, dance, and a few other consciousness-altering modalities, which shall remain unnamed.1 Of course, it’s way too long, but a good start point.
The retreat provided a chance to reconnect with myself and renew my commitment to family, community, and calling. We tend to throw words around like "transformative" or "revolutionary," but in Kevin's case, his work truly brings out such results. I saw it in others, and I experienced it firsthand. In a world undergoing a wisdom famine, a meaning crisis, a connection recession—Kevin created a place for us to rediscover our "why."
The key piece here was an evaluation of values. Some of the participants had a religious bent to their values, but others did not. The focus was on figuring out what you valued, and then working on a plan to keep yourself aligned with those values.
If this resonates with you as an individual, or if you have a small team at your company interested in doing an off-site people will talk about for years, hit Kevin up and see if you can collaborate.
Kevin Stark—The Arete Path
Currere Certamen Tuum — Run Your Race
The consciousness alteration was not part of the retreat; I added that bit for my personal experience.
My son has the word "arete" in Greek tatooed on his arm. He lives that concept as an athlete, scientist and person. I admire him greatly.
Cheers to my fellow Campbell acolytes! I will be publishing a collection of my favorite JC quotes and an essay about the hero's journey in the future.
Beautifully written, and great pics! Thanks for showing up and inspiring us, my friend.